I spent two hours this morning lying in bed trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I don't think I've come to any sort of conclusion just yet. When I say that there's something wrong with me, I am referring to my inability to have a simple, working relationship. I really do think that D'arcy is right, that most of the problems in our relationship are in my head. Sadly, what is in my head is my reality, and unfortunately it's a depressing and difficult reality that live in, and sadly those around me are affected as well. But enough of the hooey psychobabble. What is it that seems so wrong to me? I feel like Sonya has changed, or at least discovered more about herself, but I don't know what. We don't talk about ourselves all that much anymore, other than what makes us upset and all that. I guess we kinda got passed the getting-to-know-eachother stage of the relationship, and haven't really gone back. Can we go back? It kinda seems sad that I was there the whole time, and yet I really wasn't "there."
Or maybe I'm looking too deeply, maybe neither of us really has changed at all. Do I really know all there is to know about her? Is there anything she has told me? Or is there anything more she wants to know about me? I think this is part of the intimacy that's gone. And maybe it's not us, maybe it's the fact that we don't really have the opportunities to talk about the personal stuff inside. It's kind of weird to have those kinds of conversations with James (or anybody else) around. And here, it's really not so easy to be alone. Maybe that's why my diary gets to know how I feel as opposed to a real person. I suppose it's easier to type your feelings into the void. . .there's no one to accidentally hear you when you spill your guts. Your secrets are safe here. Er, damn psychobabble.
Last night the dorm got a keg. It was pretty cool because the money came from recycling a bunch of cans and stuff. Yeah saving the earth! I had like, well, I don't remember, but it was too much, that I know.
